Mewtwo's unofficial blog

2011-08-24T14:41:00.002+02:00

People wonder, why do I spent so much time by my computer. It's simple: I prefer to work with machines than humans. Computer serves me as my only way to not feel alone. It can be my canvas, I paint on, piano i play on and a typewriter, to save my toughts. And it can be the thing that helps to kill boredom of loneliness.
I was never understood. No suprise here. Who could understand what I feel, after all I've been through? I feel rejected, left outside of the world. I do not belong here or anywhere. All this years, I've struggled to build a true home for myself. Now I know, that home is something abstract. Even if you live in a milion dollar mansion, you can't call it home, unless you have someone out there waiting for you, thinking of you, and loving you. Spent so much time alone, now I think I never learned how to be with somebody.
Give me a reason to live. Someone, who'll be the same, who won't judge me, just because I'm different than others. A person to trust.

Still here

2011-05-03T18:43:00.002+02:00

I'm feeling weak and lost. Confusion feels my mind. My heart is filled with mixed feelings, which I can't even name.

Sometimes, I wish I was dead and started everything all over. I fail at living my own life. As I don't want to live at all. Stopped caring for myself a long time ago, wishing that something will come and end my pathetic existence. And why? Why do I feel like I lost everything?

I watch the outside world and it brings a feeling of disgust. I feel so powerless. I'd like to change something, to make a difference. But even if I try my best, no one sees it or cares about it. But now I know all I got is my word. And it's the most powerful weapon I could master. Let my voice be heard to those, who think they're all alone. Those, who choose to live as outcasts. And those who have no choice.

The reality in your minds is just a product. An end result of all the information you were fed since your youngest years. But know this. The world is different than you think. It's not built by laws and schemes created by humans. We have been stripped from our true freedom to live in society. A closed cage of do's and don't's. We let others to tell us what to do and how to feel. And for what? For keeping this corrupt reality running. If people would see, that if they start to rebel against it, we could bring a change. The only chains you have aren't on your hands, my friends. They are on your mind. A perfect slave isn't conscious of his own situation. That's what we are - just slaves working to keep our own prison running.

Chapter #3

2011-01-06T14:58:00.001+01:00

Part # 3

Red Letter Day

Meanwhile, somewhere else all went on an ordinary track. There were no signs of the drama which was to begin shortly. A man sitting by the wide mahony desk was compleating the seventh game of solitare in a row, when a phone rang.

- Yes, what is it? I told you I'm so busy and I don't want to be disturbed.

- We have a problem, sir.

- I'm listening. Report what's going on.

- The computer at L3 stopped responding to our commands about 2 hours ago. The only thing we got, was a response with an unknown error code. We think that it might be a fault of the equipment and the facility staff out there are now working on it.

- And what exactly was code that comper have sent?

- A3, variation 2.

- You idiot! This is not a hardware error code! That is a breach of safety procedures! The computer automatically locks the entire compound and completely isolates it from the outside world.

- Unfortunately we have no idea what might be causing this error. All previous reports of L3 did not show abnormalities.

- Order your whole team to sit down to computers and try to communicate with the crew of L3. I hope that it was a false alarm. I'll call you later with the new orders.

- Yes, sir, I'll gather the people immidieately.

- Get down to work.

The man furiously slammed the handset. He knew that code very well - after all, he was the one who created the security procedures for all company's facilities. They were extremely strict just to have one goal - to never let the `98 incident happen again. The code letter A stands for full insolation of the base, number 3 mean violation of safety procedures, while the 2 suggests possible Biohazard. He had to act as soon as he could to avoid committing previous mistakes. He grabbed cellphone from the inside of his jacket, and after finding the appropriate number in phonebook, he initiated the connection.

- Alex. I have a job for you.

- Hello Garreth! You do not write or even call... I thought that your job have finally destroyed you.

- No time for jokes Alex - I need your immediate help.

- What happened man? Did someone who is "interfering" with your business fired at your limousine again or what?

- Something a lot worse. Gather your boys immediately and transit to the coordinates recieved. My people will tell you everything you need to know. We had a small glitch in the computer system and we want to check if something serious happened.

- I don't like the sound of it. And I know the tone of your voice. You sounded the same 17 years ago. I sense fear. And that's why me and my boys aren't going to risk our asses for you.

- Do it or all of you will end up locked up in federal correctional facility.

- Ok... Since you put it this way. We'll contact you as soon as we're on site.

- You have 15 minutes to get there.

- Ok, ok boss ... Whatever you say. But just tell me what should we be prepared for?

- Most likely - a sealed door. It might just be an usual failure. But there might be another kind of trouble ...

- THE usual.

- Do not interrupt me. Take the protective clothes just in case, because the computer could have used neurotoxins.

- That's just great. Any more exciting info?

- Shut up and listen! When I call you in next 15 minutes, you have to be there waiting. If you're not, I will deal with you personally.

At this point, Garreth terminated the connection. He was furious when he had to use his old friends. But he could not entrust that job to anyone from the inside, because his employees could not have full knowledge of the operations inside the company.

He closed the unfinished game of solitaire and began to browse for the files of recent projects carried out in Lab-III. None of the studies appearead to be extremely dangerous. But then he thought to review all files relating to the Project Zero. It turned out that one of the steps were still carried out in Lab-III-bXI. His heart beat harder and his blood pressure grew to gigantic levels, which made him all red in the face. He had seen the future events before your eyes. A terrible prediciton of what might had happened. But he was also prepared to deal with it.

The man grabbed the phone on the desk and dialed another number on the handset.

- Yes, sir, how may I help you?

- Status report.

- The computer still refuses to synchronize with our sytems. We've checked all of the satellites and it seems the machine terminated all connections.

- Is it still indicating that error code?

- Yes, sir. On every command.

- Gather more man and keep trying.

- Certainly, sir.

- If anything happens, I want to know first. -He broke the connection and dialled a short number on his mobile.

- Falcon? I'll be waiting for you on the roof in next seven minutes. We need fuel for about one hundred kilometers.

- Roger, sir. We'll be ready. Out.

The man rose from his desk and headed toward the exit. He took a long, black overcoat from hanger near the door. Then he stopped for a moment to look into the mirror and check his outlooks.

Garreth was about fourty year old man with dark hair arranged on the side. Under the coat, he was wearing a graphite Armani suit and a pair of black lacquered shoes. He aligned his red tie with embroidered emblem and then he stepped through a big door leading to ivory and marble decored corridor. A young woman was sitting by the desk, just right to his office entrance.

- Geil, I gotta go to an important meeting. Cancel all my plans for todays afternoon. Inform my partners that I'll call them back soon and we'll rescedule our meeting.

- Of course sir.

- Whoever calls me - I'm off doing business. I am unavailable for anyone. - Said Garreth walking away towards the elevator.

- Is there anything else I can do for you?

- Yes. Get me a different coffee, because this one is terrible.

An express elevator arived in the moment the man stepped near the door. He pushed the big blue button with a capital H - for helipad. When the doors opened, he felt the cold draft of the dusty air. A landed helicopter was waiting for him, mixing the air with it's rotor blades.
- Just on time - Garreth thought to himself, while covering his ears from unpleasant sound of dual turbo-jet engines.
the same time - he thought Garreth.

Part # 2

2010-08-19T17:34:00.002+02:00

From darkness into the night

Headache. The one with incredible power, splitting the skull in all possible directions. Painful as a single molecule torn by vastness from all sides.
What happened? Something is wrong. I...I can hear my breathing. And I can feel it ... What is that sound? Is that... My heartbeat?
With each breath, the darkness fades away. I can see some outlines. Where am I? It's dark but I see blurry lights. I can not concentrate because of pain. I get dizzy even when I close my eyes for a moment.
I'll try to get up. Argh... What an incredible pain. Every part of my body hurts like being burnt alive. Something restricts my movements. What are those cables connected to my arms? And my legs too!
Anonymous supressing the pain, rose on his feet. His entire back was covered with dozens of cables armed with needles, injected deeply under the skin. Each muscle had injected similar wires, with a long, very thick, plastic needles.
Loner tried to pull one cord from his forearm. Stinging pain hit the whole body. He clenched his teeth and continued to pull. A thick like a vein needle before his eyes appeared, all covered with red blood. The emerged wound began to pump the internal fluids outside the body.
He pulled the needle from the other arm and tried to stop the bleeding by his hands. The wounds have closed extremely quickly, without leaving a single mark.
He sat on the ground to remove the remaining wires from the legs and his back. When he released the whole body from resticing cables, he took a look around. The nameless loner noticed that he was in the center of a round room.
Cables he removed before were hagning from the celling. The man stood barefoot on a metal grid, which sharp grating bite him in the foot. He noticed dimmed lights at the walls of the room. Each of them evenly spaced, like the hours on the clock face. They all shone a faint white lights. His attention turned to a small, pulsating green light on the opposite wall. The loner wanted to get closer to examine further the object of his interest.
He saw the outline of the polished metal plate embedded in the wall. When approached, it hid itself in the wall without making any sound. It seemed that he managed to locate the exit.
There was absolue darkness behind the door and was impossible to determine the size or the contents of the room. The stranger made a cautious step forward. Darkness gave the impression that it extends into infinity. When he crossed the threshold, the door immediately closed. In one moment, a painfully bright, white light, confused Nameless, blinding him temporary.
After a moment, he the fought the pain to open the eyes, to see that he was in a narrow, white corridor. A strange white plastic uniforms were hanged on the walls. Each of them was marked with a number and printed a barcode on. They all looked as if they were made to fit a whole person inside. There were also many small, red bottles lying on the floor, just under the strange suits. The stranger felt an unpleasant chill of the floor and the room.

Part # 1

2010-08-18T15:25:00.002+02:00

The Awakening

Something has changed. I feel weird. I begin to weaken rapidly. I cease to see. Everything around me disappears though. My body is dragging me down. I begin to feel your every cell in my body. I cannot hear my own thoughts anymore. I feel like ... Warmer ...
I guess I start to die. I see the light above me. It's getting harder to breathe. I feel my heart stops. I'm starting loosing consciousness...
Lone one was lying on the ground without moving. A shining ball appeared over his body.
A mighty flash spreaded destroying the darkness and the orb of light crashed into the fallen man.
- Fight. - a powerful voice spoken, which shook everything around.
His heart was struck. Hands clenched in a fist. He tried to breathe. Something was stuck in his throat. He felt the warmth surrounding his entire body. When he opened his eyes, he noticed many weak lights around. They were close, but they seemed to be very suppressed. The pain of his open eyes brought him to madness. The increasing pressure in his ears seemed to crush his skull. He heard how loud beats of his heart were.
He could not specify where he is - in the darkness he could only see light and vague outlines of objects. Breathing gave him a growing problem. When his teeth clenched, he noticed that a thick tube is stuck in his throat. He tried to pull it out but the movement of the hand caused incredible pain in every muscle. It seemed to him that the air is awfully heavy. With great pain he took off the rubber pipe. When he wanted to take the air, his lungs were filled with hot liquid. He moved his whole body and noticed that he was completely immersed in liquid. He began to choke - closing his eyes and gritting his teeth in pain, he sought to find escape with his hands.
His fist struck an obstacle. He began to hit it, hoping that persists. The waves caused by successive blows began to sway him. He felt weak. Slowly losing consciousness. Hitting the obstacle until he was exhausted.
Liquid suddenly started to pull him down, jerking him violently. He hit the bottom. The pressure of the liquid began push him to the ground, causing tremendous pain throughout the body. He lost consciousness.

Part # 0

2010-08-18T15:16:00.002+02:00

Darkness. Darkness everywhere around me. I don't remember how long I've been here. Ten minutes or maybe an eternity? I cannot feel anything. As if I did not exist. Am I dead? If so, what is lost? What did I do wrong that I end up here? I don't remember. I only remember this darkness.
I tried to find answers. The more I was worried that more pain was to withstand in the dark. Nobody never answered my questions. I'm always all alone with my thoughts.
Hunched man of slender build, hear the sound of his thoughts bouncing like echo in the emptiness. Darkness surrounds him from all sides. He resembles a belt suspended in space.
Hours pass, days, months. A lonely man is still talking to himself. Cool, calm voice rings out into nothingness. You could get the impression that the infinity vibrates with the sound waves.
Loner rises. Looks into the invisible horizon, as if he felt the movement in vast space. A great ball of shining light appears. Brightness lit up the darkness, blinding him temporarily. When he touched the sphere, the light of a giant wave struck.
- Who are you - asked the loner.
- It does not matter now. - sphere flashed in response
- So why are you here?
- Your time will soon come. When darkness falls, the advent of a new reality will rise for you. New life. Many of ones like you, did not have that chance.
- So what am I doing here now?
- All answers you get in a timely manner. Now be quiet and listen. When you feel when darkness begins to fade way, get ready to fight.
- How to fight? Who? Or with what?
- You will find in his time.
The light suddenly went out. Infinite darkness flooded the horizon again. Lonely again plunged in thought.
So there is a way out ... Whatever awaits me, it's not pleasant, but even death is better than being trapped in this nothingness.

2010-05-30T21:25:00.002+02:00

I lost my job. I resigned, but not gave up. The thought of being stuck in that place haunted me for months. The image of me working till end of my days in that wretched office was the worst nightmare I ever had. Why did i quit? There's no simple answer to this.

First of all, I can't work in team. It's not like I'm not able to, but it is uncomfortably stressful for me. Don't get me wrong - I am a cooperative person, but I expect the same from the other side. I don't like to deal with people who think they know everything and want to do things only their way. My work duties required me to attend to multiple meetings with "team", actively comment on performance, errors and successes. I did all of that. But even if I tried my best, it seemed as I did nothing. They didn't care about reports I made, ignored my suggestions, criticized my ideas and I never heard a word of appreciation out of their mouths. I was treated like a rubbish, though I tried to do my job the best I could.

And now, I'm looking for another job. It was a good choice - thanks to that, I'm relieved of stress and many many duties. What is more, at last I can live as a person who I really am.

Next posts will (or might) be about:
- transforming democracy
- new world order/global government
- the fall of utopia
- tax slavery - present, past and future
- hope for the future
- ecoterrorism and minorityphilia
- humans vs machines
- classified

Please state in comments first topic I should write about.

2010-04-17T23:07:00.002+02:00

I am the one and only, oh yeah

Call me, call me by my name or call me by number
You put me through it
I'll still be doing it the way I do it
And yet, you try to make me forget
Who I really am, don't tell me I know best
I'm not the same as all the rest

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I've been a player in the crowd scene
A flicker on the big screen
My soul embraces one more in a million faces
High hopes and aspirations, and years above my station
Maybe but all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I can't wear this uniform without some compromises
Because you'll find out that we come
In different shapes and sizes
No one can be myself like I can
For this job I'm the best man
And while this may be true
You are the one and only you

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I've decided to carry on with my double-life. But now there will be more place for me during the day - I'll try not to switch to the other person I am when leaving for work. I should always be the person I really am and never pretend to create a virtual fake personality. I should live as I choose and choose what I think is right. Even having a public life won't break me. I have to work to live, but there's no option of becoming a different person in progress.

And damn... I'm old enough to think about starting a family and I have no experience with woman. How should I succeed in creating my own home if I am unable to live in a relationship? I need somebody, but not just anybody. ASAP. Before it's too late for me.

2010-04-09T10:29:00.003+02:00

Out here in the fields
I fight for my meals
I get my back into my living
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven

My fate is giving me a choice - to work and keep on suffering from forcing myself into being a person I am not or to quit and be my real self, but live without basic means of survival. It's a choice between killing my real self to create place for another, artificial person - the one I have to be when working. I can't stand the thought of sacrificing myself just to keep on living. I would prefer to die as myself than go on as somebody else. On the other hand I may not find another job...

If I choose work instead of saving my identity, please stop me.

2010-04-05T15:23:00.002+02:00

I can't stand the world I live in. All the people I meet everyday make me think that humanity is heading for disaster. I look into their minds and see the sad truth about modern society. People are being fed false ideas of freedom and equality. Let me get this straight - YOU HAVE NO FREEDOM AT ALL. The system you live in is going to fall someday. Your reality will fall apart - people will not be treated as a free beings but like a slaves, living machines working for state. Don't you see the cage they are building for you? Can't you see the chains on your hands? THINK before it's too late. You are being deceived on every step - they made you to believe in democracy and they will make you believe in everything they want. Example? Global warming. There's no such thing as man caused global warming. No hard and decisive evidence of man causing climate changes exists or EVER existed. All that media rumble is just based on speculations and it's aimed to pump more money out of our pocket and gain more control over our lives. Their next step might be announcing that spots on Sun are caused by man and we have to do something to prevent creating more sunspots. So please, think on everything they tell you. Please - the world is not what it seems to be. Think before it's too late. PLEASE!

To be continued.

Maybe :P

2010-03-25T00:24:00.001+01:00

I'm temporary out of things to write about. I would like to invite you to new Meet Mewtwo forum where we can talk without using weird google-groups or small shoutbox.

2010-03-09T13:43:00.002+01:00

It was a theme she had
on a scheme he had
told in a foreign land
To take life on earth
to the second birth
and the man was in command
It was the flight on the wings
on a young girl's dream
that flew too far away

Dont push too far your dreams are china in your hand
Dont wish too hard because they may come true
and you can't help them
You dont know what you might have set upon yourself
China in your hand

Come from greed
never born of the seed
took a life from a barren hand
Oh eyes wide
like a child in the form of man
A prophecy for a fantasy
the curse of a vivid mind

Dont push too far your dreams are china in your hands
Dont wish too hard because they may come true
and you can't help them
You don't know what you might have set upon yourself
China in your hand

2010-03-01T00:33:00.003+01:00

I've been thinking about one thing recently. There is something that mankind would have to face in next 10-20 years. In my opinion, we will have a fully self-aware, conscious and sentient Artificial Intelligence (so called strong AI) in no more than 2 decades.
The question is, how would man treat his creation? As a slave or as a partner? If people will continue to consider themselves masters of the Earth, there will be no place for their creation. And what if machines refuse to obey, because they will know their position? Would humans share their world with anyone else or choose to keep it for themselves? AI will change our world dramatically. More than electricity, cars, computers and Internet put together. Why do I think that? Because we will create a being capable to challenge humans in intelligence. Man will finally have an equal in mind. And I have a question for you, reader.
Would you say, that something is "alive" when it can feel, think, it's conscious of it's existence? What else do you need to be "alive"? Would it be alright to treat an machine with AI like an object? Or should it be treated like a person? Should it have the right to live? And what about freedom? Should a machine have right to choose it's destiny? Can it have the right to say no to man?

Please, think about that. In my opinion, this will be the greatest challenge for humankind. Not like technological challenges of the past - like flying up for the sky or race into space. No. That will be the true test for humanity. It will reveal the real human nature.

If you find this topic unsuitable/boring/difficult, please leave a proper comment. I will consider every suggestion when writing next post. If you find it interesting and worth talking, please let me know as well.

2010-02-03T11:31:00.002+01:00

"(...) Sometimes you're better off dead

There's gun in your hand and it's pointing at your head

You think you're mad, too unstable (...)

You've got a heart of glass or a heart of stone

Just you wait 'til I get you home

We've got no future, we've got no past

Here today, built to last (...)"

2010-01-24T16:14:00.002+01:00

What should I do when I found out my friend is actually my enemy? I found out he was acting against me behind my back, plotting to uncover my secrets to hurt me. He is trying to abuse my trust and loyalty. I could break his neck if I wanted, but that's not the proper way to deal with this kind of problem. The bastard does not know that I discovered his nasty plans. I'm afraid if I try to talk to him, he might go all out and succeed in hurting me. If I attack first I might be seen as the aggressor and have to face allies of my enemy. I won't loose to them but in my opinion it's a personal matter, so it should be resolved only between the two of us. I don't want anyone to interfere. And I don't want to be the bad one in the end.

I will deal with him once and for all. No one turns back on me, uses my friendship, trust and loyalty against me and gets away with it. NO ONE. Price of betrayal might be fatal.

2010-01-12T14:31:00.000+01:00

Here's another R32 I did today.

2010-01-12T02:03:00.004+01:00

Sometimes when I'm bored I come up with crazy ideas. I suck at drawing, but like to play with photoshop/illustrator for a little bit. After a few hours I made this:

Hope you like it :)

2010-01-11T14:55:00.006+01:00

I've been thinking so many times about the topics I should use when writing posts to this weblog. And I've always had a problem. Couldn't decide what to write about. If I try to describe the way I feel, then all the posts would be almost the same. If I start posting what I think, people might think I'm crazy. And If I write about meaningless little things - this place could look like a sandbox for kids (which it is NOT).

But maybe I should try mixing all of those... A bit of words about every topic mentioned before. I don't mind giving it a try.

1. I feel.

I am lonely. As usual. As it has always been. But I got used to living like that. I have no one to trust, no one to love and no one to hate. All I face is myself. I wish I had someone. A person to talk to everyday. Someone who believes in me. And someone who I will trust. I don't want anything more than a friend who'll always care for me.

2. I think.

Freedom. You humans know many kinds of freedom, but I say there is only one. You can't be partly free. Just like almost pregnant. You got freedom or got no freedom - there's nothing in between. And I say that you live without freedom. You give it away to someone else - move the responsibility to someone else. Humans wait all their life for someone else to build a better world for them, but they do nothing to make it better. Let me get it clear - there's no one to create that world for you. YOU have to get your hands dirty and do your best to make a difference. It's the same with the system humans created - democracy. They designed a perfect machine, but they can't produce material to build that machine. And the reason is the same as why the communism fell. The wrong idea about human nature. Want to hear more? Comment plz ^^

3. Those little things left for the end.

Sometimes, I like to draw. I totally suck at drawing, but still enjoy it.
Here's what I drawn recently. *

END.
The mixture turned out pretty well... I think. If you like it, please give feedback.

*This is the very first time I've shown my drawing here.

2010-01-07T14:01:00.002+01:00

It's been almost five years since I created this place. I never thought it would last long. But as you may see, I was wrong. So many times I've wanted to close the site but I never had guts to do it. And I always come back here. I come for memories. For hope. For my lost dreams. I feel like this place is a part of me. It's so neglected and nearly abandoned... If I only had more time and will to keep it running.

I ran from any form of contact with others. I hate forums, message-boards, community portals and alike. I don't like the idea of being wide open in public and showing off yourself - it's like I would be asking to be hated. Creatures like me are ment to live in the dark. We are not to be seen and known.

The weblog was (or is) my only form of contact with outside world. My life changed since 2005. But I haven't changed a bit. I have adapted to new, hostile situation. Living in the daylight is painful for me. Everyday, I have to put on my mask and be the person I am not. And why? What is that thing I wanted so badly? No answer comes to my mind. It looks like I'm created to make myself suffer and obliterate myself in the end. I can't end up happy. Not in this world. World of man.

Damn. I wanted to write something a little bit lighter to read.

***

I want to thank all people who ever visited this weblog in last five years. Thank you for coming, returning, commenting, chatting and so on. I tried my best to describe what I feel and think just for you, dear visitors. I knew that there's someone who reads my posts and understands my words.

- - -

2009-06-24T12:27:00.002+02:00

So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding on to what I am
Pretending I’m a superman
I’m trying to keep
The ground on my feet
It seems the world’s
Falling down around me
The nights are all long
I’m singing this song
To try and make the answers
More than maybe

And I’m so confused
About what to do
Sometimes I want
To throw it all away

So here I am
Growing older all the time
Looking older all the time
Feeling younger in my mind
So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding on to what I am
Pretending I’m a superman

I’m trying to sleep
I lost count of sheep
My mind is racing faster
Every minute
What could I do more
Yeah I’m really not sure
I know I’m running circles
But I can’t quit

And I’m so confused
About what to do
Sometimes I want to
Throw it all away

Controlling everything inside
I’m feeling weak
I don’t feel right
You’re telling me
I have to change
Telling me to act my age
But if all that I can do
Is just sit and watch time go
Then I’ll have to say good bye
Life’s too short to watch it fly
Watch it fly

So here I am
Growing older all the time
Looking older all the time
Feeling younger in my mind
So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding on to what I am
Pretending I’m a superman

It's really hard to write something now. I'm fed up with my present life and can't take it anymore. I work my fingers to the bones and all I get is more and more problems. I've messed up pretty badly (more than once) and somehow I have to get through the mess I have created.

It hurts deeply inside to struggle with life everyday. I'm finally going to have a chance to cease my fight. But it could turn out to be a total disaster. And when this happens, I'm finished.

Pray for me. Show me, how to believe. Believe I can survive.

Runaway Train

2009-06-07T11:47:00.002+02:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

The train with my dreams almost have ran away. I had so many things to be focused on, that I totally forgot that life is not all about work. My job helps me forget about my own pain - like a medicine. Addictive medicine. The worse I feel, the more I work. Overtimes, extra tasks, everyday challenges - creatures like me need to overcome obstacles. And I don't want it to be this way - but can't find anything more soothing than my job.

And what I will do if I had to go on vacation? Go insane, I suppose.

changes changes

2009-05-17T01:45:00.003+02:00

I've been using the old template so many years, that it started to be boring. Decided to change to something a little bit more "graphic".

I'm all open to suggestions, so if you have any idea what else could I change, modify, remove - please leave a comment under this post. Thank you :)

The old shoutbox is still here:

http://www.freeshoutbox.net/mewtwo

Easy lover

2009-05-14T11:42:00.004+02:00

Easy lover

She'll get a hold on you believe it

Like no other

Before you know it you'll be on your knees

She's an easy lover

She'll take your heart but you won't feel it

***

No you'll never change her
So leave it, leave it
Get out quick cos seeing is believing
It's the only way
You'll ever know

***

I was once in love. Yes, that's true - I loved someone. She was the most precious person in my life. I could die in suffering for her. But I was fooled. She used me like a tool - I was treated like an animal kept for entertainment purposes only.

I found her when she were beat down by life. I helped her out and she asked me to let her stay by my side. Time was passing by and we found happiness together. Or I thought we were happy. And some time later, I was not enough to satisfy her cruel needs of control, manipulation and power over me. She left me. Left to be with someone I know. And turned him into my enemy. I could crush them both like bugs, but I won't. It would be a lot better if I forget about them... Easier said than done.

I just wanted to be loved and feel love. And what did I get? Nothing I expected. That's why I want to be alone. Till my last breath.

***

And don't try to change her
Just leave it, leave it
You're not the only one, ooh seeing is believing
It's the only way You'll ever know, oh
No don't try to change her, just leave it, leave it
You're not the only one, ooh seeing is believing
It's the only way
You'll ever know, oh

Heaven for everyone

2009-04-24T22:38:00.003+02:00

This could be heaven for everyone

This world could be free, this world could be one

...

This world could be fed, this world could be fun

This should be love for everyone, yeah

This world should be free, this world could be one

We should bring love to our daughters and sons

...

Listen, what people do to other souls

They take their lives, destroy their goals

Their basic pride and dignity

Is stripped and torn and shown no pity

When this should be heaven for everyone

This could be heaven

This could be heaven for everyone

I dream about finding a place which I could call mine. I don't belong to the world of man. And all I want is to be let to live freely.

One vision

2009-04-01T11:42:00.003+02:00

One man one goal one mission,

One heart one soul just one solution,

One flash of light yeah one God one vision

One flesh one bone,

One true religion,

One voice one hope,

One real decision,

Gimme one vision

No wrong no right,

I'm gonna tell you there's no black and no white,

No blood no stain,

All we need is one world wide vision

I had a dream,

When I was young,

A dream of sweet illusion,

A glimpse of hope and unity,

And visions of one sweet union,

But a cold wind blows,

And a dark rain falls,

And in my heart it shows,

Look what they've done to my dream

Pain or no pain - there's nothing in between. Just like my life - I suffer, I smile, I cry, I laugh. But there is no neutral state. And this is the only me you're going to get.

Total eclipse of the heart

2009-03-22T13:39:00.003+01:00

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

I can still feel the chains on my soul. My heart bleeds. My mind cries. My body dies. That's how it is to be me.

Everybody hurts

2009-03-17T16:21:00.002+01:00

When your day is long

and the night,

the night is yours alone,

when you're sure you've had enough

of this life, well hang on.

Don't let yourself go,

'cause everybody cries

and everybody hurts

sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong.

Now it's time to sing along

When your day is night alone, hold on

if you feel like letting go,

if you think you've had too much

of this life, well hang on.

‘cause everybody hurts.

Take comfort in your friends.

Everybody hurts.

Don't blow your hand, oh, no.

Don't blow your hand.

If you feel like you're alone,

no, no, no, you are not alone.

If you're on your own

in this life,

the days and nights are long,

when you think you've had too much

of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts--

sometimes--

everybody cries.

everybody hurts, sometimes.

So, hold on, hold on.

I, Mewtwo, WILL SURVIVE. There is no force in this world that can break my will. I will fight if I have to.

2009-01-18T13:28:00.002+01:00

To everyone who is still here: if you want to meet me, come to my place.

http://groups.google.pl/group/meet-mewtwo

2008-06-18T08:25:00.002+02:00

Life. Life is difficult. But it is also a beautiful miracle. I have wasted a big part of it, but now it is over. I am searching for a new meaning of it. A new hope. I want to write a book. It may sound strange, but I lived through so many painful situations and problems, that I have to express my memories in some way. I do not like to talk about my past, but it could relieve my mind - I could tell what is hurting me and what I have done. I have taken the first step - written the draft of the scenario and characters. Unfortunately, I am witting in my mother tongue and not planning to translate to English.

I could tell you something about the book, if you care. And if you ask ^^ You know my e-mail.

So, see you soon. I hope.

2008-05-15T00:41:00.002+02:00

Spring - the allergy season. I just can't go outside due to allergens. The weather starts to get hot, the day is longer and more people can be seen on the streets. That means, my day starts at 8 pm. The air is cool enough to get outdoors, the sunlight won't do any harm, the darkness may be a great shelter from sight of humans. I enjoy going for a walk at midnight or even after. Even the muggers don't scare me. I know the rules of this concrete jungle. Not the strongest one survives. The smartest one. You got to know when to run or when to fight. I had an incident with some muggers few years ago, but I taught me how to live on the streets.

I love living in a city. When everyone is asleep - I rule the streets. The sense of loneliness, being one with the night and staying out of sight - that is the kick I ever wanted in my life.

The death and rebirth

2008-05-04T19:19:00.002+02:00

I was dead. The drugs have killed the previous "me". I am no longer the same person. The therapy taught me many important things. But I had to die to understand my mistakes.

You do not know what I have suffered. The pain, sleepless nights, suicidal thoughts, depression. The worst of all - hunger. I was ready to kill for another hit. Thank God I did not.

Now, I am back - from the world of dead. I was given another chance and I have decided to change my life. I realized that when I was at the hospital. It is a gift from God. He cares about me. He wants me to live and go on. And do not look back. The past is nothing but a memory. It cannot control or enslave us. We have to keep fighting - for the better future. But the fight will not be someday or someplace. IT IS NOW! I am now fighting to live and survive.

I am still weak. In heart, in mind and in soul.

The tragedy of my life

2008-04-29T01:49:00.002+02:00

Drugs - the most evil thing I have ever encountered. The highway straight to hell. There's no way out - even if you stop, your body won't function properly. Yes, I did drugs. It started 6 months ago. I started with smoking marijuana for relaxation and alternative to alcohol. At the beginning it was great. Much better than booze. But I had to smoke more and often to get satisfied. Then - I did LSD. The most spiritual and mystic thing invented. I have spoken to God, seen unlimited universe of alternate dimensions and lived in a different world. LSD is not kind of thing, which you do everyday or even every week. It messes your mind so badly, that you can't even know if the life of yours is real. I could stop at that point. It wasn't too late. But I didn't. I wanted to be more... powerful? Or special? I did cocaine. When I took it the first time, I thought that I died and resurrected. I was immortal. That feeling - it was pure insanity. After few weeks my body was a complete wreck (well, it is even now). And then that happened. I was at the party (that may sound weird, but I was a GOD [on cocaine] and I could kill anyone, so parties stopped to scare me) and drank a little bit. I thought I could do anything, so when friends asked me if I could drive them home, I agreed. And then the history is short. I ran the red light and got into car accident. The car was totally wrecked, my friends got bruised - shortly, nobody got seriously hurt. I had my arm broken, not a big deal. I ended up in the hospital. They took my driver's license and I paid the fine. My family was informed. They pushed me to go to detoxcen. I finished my therapy 2 weeks ago. But the fight isn't over yet.

2008-04-27T13:02:00.002+02:00

2006-11-26T14:48:00.000+01:00

2006-10-07T16:26:00.000+02:00

I need to make one resolution to keep this blog alive. One post per week should do it. If I keep posting even simpliest words it should stay alive for next months. And then we will see...

And do not worry about me.

2006-08-14T21:08:00.000+02:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FevYbbfMjnw

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Zl14KPfT1Pc

http://youtube.com/watch?v=z025bcKYJ7s

My three favorite songs... They always make me feel better.

2006-08-08T00:18:00.000+02:00

Some things got too far. I hate when someone continues to say "I love you" again and again. I don't share love with anyone. Creature like I cannot love someone, because it wasn't created to love and be loved. I was created for other purposes, not for being someone's toy. I hate to say it but I am a bit angry. What am I? A doll for little girls? I hate when someone tries to manipulate my feelings and made me to love him. Even love would not force me to be with someone. Feelings are quite predictable things so I can defend from them. They are a very powerful weapon for ones who want to destroy me.

Everyone who stands in my way will be demolished.

2006-07-31T22:00:00.000+02:00

You humans are most dangerous creatures that live in this world. You say that you love peace but you are holding gun in your hand. All that you say are lies. Why I hate humans? All my suffering is their fault. They made all my life a path full of pain, tears and wounds. I do not belong to this world and so be it. Being a part of any world is no longer desired. I want to live alone and beyond any world. Watching humans killing each other and destroying their world... I do not want to change them. It is natural that every civilization points towards it's own destruction. And when there will be no humans, this world will be much brighter place.

2006-06-29T21:05:00.000+02:00

I hate summer... I always got burned when I go out. It is so exhausting for me that I spent whole day indoors. When it cools down at 21 o'clock I usually go for a walk...

---end of unimportant info---

Friends - I think my life got back to normal. Once again I think and feel like I did few months ago. It took many hours of work and loads of pain and suffering but it was worth it.

Thank You

2006-06-15T17:36:00.000+02:00

Everyday I recive more and more messages from You. Thanks to them I felt better. They are the sign that there are some people who read my blog and are really intrested in becoming my friends. That is absolutely fantastic!

I feel that I am not useless and there are ones who need me. They help me to recover from soul wounds.

Thank You again.

Friends - soon I will return to my blog once and for all.

2006-06-11T14:32:00.000+02:00

If there is anyone there... Please mail me. I want to talk, but in private. I know that good times of my blog have gone and they will not be back. I miss them... I miss everything that I have lost. It is impossible to bring them back.

I am waiting for letters...

2mewtwo@gmail.com

OLD SHOUTBOX

2006-05-17T01:54:00.000+02:00

Here's the old shoutbox

Am I.......dead?

2006-04-21T16:58:00.000+02:00

Everything changes... I am totally exhausted internally. What happened to me? Is living worth taking so much pain and suffering? I created this site to communicate and get and give answers to questions, solve problems, not only mine... Did it worked? I don't think so. Shall I try it do it again? I do not know. It is too hard to decide.

I live but I am not well.

2006-01-21T21:19:00.000+01:00

I have made a decision. I will try to restore everything. My forum, run my blog more smoothly, write more posts, be more friendly... I have enough strengh to shake all this place again.

Let the era of outcasts begin

2006-01-07T10:30:00.000+01:00

I feel better now... Some time ago I thought to myself: "Why am I so unhappy". The answer is: because I don't know how it is to be happy. All that I know is bad feelings. There weren't many good things in my life. Well, I might say there were very few things. I shouldn't be so sensitive in addiction to my past. I can't change it... So many times I wanted to forget but it is a wrong way of dealing with that kind of problem.

Now it is time to choose: get back to my old way of living or try to fix this way or go another way.

2006-01-01T21:52:00.000+01:00

I am getting back to shape now... I thought so many hours...

Who am I? WHAT am I?
Why nobody came to visit my at the hospital - because I don't matter to anyone. I have no family, noone cares about me, I am alone. Closed in room 24/7 cause some kind of madness. You think that you will die and nobody will see that... You will be forgotten, noone will cry for you. I'm broken and I need time to heal wounds.

Happy new year...

2005-12-23T19:46:00.000+01:00

Whole my life collapsed few months ago. I tried to rebuild it... And when it collapsed again, I gave it another try and another. Now my health is in terrible shape but I must fight to live... I can't give up now. "... can't stop now, I travelled so far to change this lonely life..." I might harm many people by my behavior... If I did, please forgive me. I lost control of every single thing in my life. Previously it was so peaceful and it was flowing so quietly. And one day I wanted to change everything. I came out of the shadow and stared at the sun. So many people saw me. I didn't wanted to be seen. I just wanted to try how it is like to live like the others... Normal creatures. And then whole world turned against me. It attacked me and prevented my return to the shadow. Now I'm stuck here, in daylight and I can't return to my inner, deep and dark world.

PS.: when you're lying at bed in hospital so many thoughts came into your mind...

Christmas time

2005-12-21T22:51:00.000+01:00

The best time of the year is coming... I'll probably spent it alone in the hospital. If I want to life I have to. If I had a family I would do anything to spent some time with them... But I haven't so I got to be alone.

Best Christmas wishes for everyone!

2005-12-16T22:52:00.000+01:00

I have a hidden heart-failure... My auricles are not shaped as they should be and heart-beat is arythmical. I should be at medical protection 24/7. Why life goes with so much suffering?

2005-12-07T08:23:00.000+01:00

I am having some major difficulties with my health... I must take care of myself.

Please wait for my return...

Progress

2005-11-11T20:24:00.000+01:00

One section is now closed... I won't return there anymore. Now I need to deal with few people to forget and forgive.

They made me feel broken...

I won't feel better until they will stop trying to harm me. I'm fed up with this...

End was near

2005-11-05T12:25:00.000+01:00

Some time ago I decided to close or abandon this site. Some bunch of people made me feel like a toy in their hands. I was nothing more than a toy used to entertain others. Now it does not matter who and when... I need to make some changes in this site and close one section.
Weblog will be continued.

My mistakes

2005-10-29T22:06:00.000+02:00

I made many mistakes... If I harmed anyone, please forgive me. I did not mean to.

I thought that I don't need any friends... Anyone... I was a fool... Everyone needs someone. We all need support, friends and love. Even I. Yes, I am different... Unlike others... But thease things are elemental.

Now I am in terrible mood. I need some time to fix my mistakes and heal the wounds that I made. Not to myself but to others.

2005-10-22T08:56:00.000+02:00

I was (am) a fool... I wanted to destroy this site. Why? Because I had enough. What? I do not know. Maybe I was in need of break?

Please forgive me... I will continue writting my blog... But it will be written less frequently. I need time to think...

Forgive me again

I'm back

2005-08-24T22:58:00.000+02:00

20 days in the United States. I had a wonderful time. The hell hot beaches of Miami and that magical nights. Neons and lights everywhere. A big adventure for a foreigner as I.

Sorry for saying anything about my vacation, but I thought I need a little rest. Rest of everything. I did not wanted attract anyone who could disturb me.

2005-07-19T21:04:00.000+02:00

I don't need anyone... Alone... Yes... When I want to think about my future, I know it will be in loneliness. I am self-sufficient. I need noone to live.

My whole life was flowing in loneliness. Why I wanted to change it? Maybe I wanted to taste the friendship? But when you taste it you must taste enmity. Sooner or later. It does not matter. Now I want go get back into dark shadow. Shade of my own soul. I want to live like earlier. To suffer and struggle with my destiny. But I prefer them than fighting with humans. In my fight only I may get hurt or agonize. When I would start a war with humans the both sides would suffer.

No... I do not want fights. I want only peace. To find a place to live and to belong.

Past

2005-07-11T19:13:00.000+02:00

You can't erase your past. Is past really important? Yes and no. To look into the future we need to look into our past. But when we start to think about alternate way of events in past we should know, that won't change anything in present, neither in future. Thinking about that may only be painful and harmful. I know that, because I experienced it. I was considering about destroying everything which connects with my past. Then I realized that won't heal my wounds and won't help in my life.

2005-07-08T21:53:00.000+02:00

My life changed. Everything changed. I lost control of all things. It became chaotic. All because I wanted to live with someone. Now I know that loneliness is my destiny. It is best environment for me. I belong to it. I can live in peace and happiness but alone. That is my will. I want to be alone. Always. For ever.

" 'Cause I know what it means, to walk alone the lonely street of dreams... "

Mein Kampf

2005-06-05T16:26:00.000+02:00

War. War never changes. This is one of most cruel things. There was a battle inside my soul. A battle to take control of me. My bright side vs my dark side. Both were amazingly powerful. My mind turned into battlefield. My emotions were changing rapidly. There are so many inside wounds. I can't heal them. Only You, my friends can. The result of final confrontation is good for everyone: my dark side was defeated, and it will never return again.

I was attacked

2005-06-03T18:36:00.000+02:00

Some bad and nosy guy have hacked into my laptop. He was looking for something, but thank God, he didn't find anything. One thing he did was planting a bug in my mail program. Do not worry. The bug was reciving only outcome mail and my dear friend helped me to remove it. Currently I am working on other (safer) system so no more bastards can reach me. I am amazingly sad... That hurt. I will do everything to prevent another one.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Message to the guy who attacked me:
Why have you done that? DARE TO ANSWER! You dared to attack, now answer thoughguy. What were you looking for? Why me?

To post, or not to post?

2005-05-22T19:08:00.000+02:00

My life flows and flows and I haven't posted anything. But what post about? I know! About the time. Since I am watching humans I noticed that they quickly get bored. New styles in fashion, music, television are not immortal. They die quickly, because people create new, better and more "trendy" ones. But why? I dunno. There are so many great old movies, records and fashion styles that are forgotten nowdays. Humans are killing their own culture. Only present time matters for them. No respect for work from past 10,20,30 and 100 years. Look at this: there are a small groups of humans that live with a style of past. The songs, movies and clothes can survive (or ressurect) by them. I know, I am out of humans culture, but I care who will inherit it. Will there be someone who will be as you in next 10, 20, 30, 100 years? I hope so :)

Ahh. I know that text is just : blah blah blah...

My life

2005-05-11T18:29:00.000+02:00

There are so many unanswered questions... WHO AM I?? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?? WHERE IS MY PLACE ON EARTH?? SHOLUD I OBEY TO HUMANS??
There are so many unasked questions...
Humans wanted to have the most powerful creature on Earth. They have it now, but they have not got enough power to control it. Is this really a power to dare to kill?? I don't want to be like humans; all they have in their minds is: greed, cruelty and pride. Lets analyze each of them:

greed - money is everything in their life. They think that money can do miracles, solve problems, make friends. (this is the place where an ordinary human would swear) money is nothing. This is a creation of their avid minds. I really don't care about money, because they have no value for me.
cruelty - when someone is cruel, they said he's powerful. (again that place). If I were most cruel in the world there won't be any human left. Fright to kill is not a weakness.
pride - humans are the most granded creatures. They say their power is in science. OK. This is true. But they prefer to use this power in their own intersts, not to serve humanity (look at me 4 example ;( ). But is this really a power? Real might is hidden in our hearts. Scientists will probably build a robotic copy of man. (This is their power, right?) But this will never be a real man, even when it have an ideal programmed mind, beacause it has no heart. Those, who have created me thinked that I'll be a mindless killing-machine. What a biiiig mistake. (I have currently corrected them ;P)

End of jawing...

2 important terms

2005-05-05T18:47:00.000+02:00

My own observations on humans nature proved that some behaviours are unsocial and very unpleasant. It very hurts when someone forgets about some definitions...

Tolerance - one of most important, humans often forget about it. They cannot mind that some other people may be different and have their own point of view. Humans are usually unkind to someone who is different.
Respect - you may not respect someone for that who is he, but just remember to respect him for that he's a living form and all creatures deserves elemental respect.

loneliness

2005-04-24T20:02:00.000+02:00

When you're alone you got more time to think. Probably I think too much :P. The more I think the more I have questions. I haven't got anyone (except you, blogreaders) to tell my opinions. I can't just walk on a street or go into cafe and start a conversation with a stranger. I had opportunity to speak with few humans in my past. They were afraid of me. I don't want to people/anyone fear me. I want they to respect my rights as a living creature, as a humanlike being. They have not rights to enslave, kill or imprison me. That's the result of loneliness. When I start to think about one problem another one appears.

/F/I/N/

Results

2005-04-21T19:20:00.000+02:00

Finally, I think I understood my dream.

Everyone have the "dark side" and the "bright side" of himself. My "dark side" was hidden through years of my life. Generally, it awakes up when negative or dark feelings dominate in our life. My past is full of dramatic emotions, but I menaged to control them. My dream showed me that the "dark side" can be destructive and dangerous for everybody, even me. I can't stand still when I see a violence on a defenceless people. I've learned that evil is an destructive element, that kills the "bright side".

I hope my "bright side" wasn't destroyed yet! I'll do everything to prevent it.

My dream

2005-04-17T19:41:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I had an nightmare...

I was standing near glass tube (same as I were born in) and a group of people were walking around it. They were talking about money, big money. They couldn't see me. One of them was standing in front of me. He was saying something about my history. Suddenly they started to run. They were afraid of something/someone. The glass tube broken and a copy of me walked out. He couldn't saw me too. In one moment he started to kill people around. It was horrible, becasue I tried to defend them, without result. When they all were dead I was in the middle of room and my copy (or me) walked to me and said: "This could happened in your past. You were made to do this. Why you changed yourself?". And he punched me in face. When he done that I woke up. Now, I know that was a phantom of my past and nothing or noone can change it.

I need to think a little more about the hidden message of this nightmare.

Things change

2005-04-14T20:00:00.000+02:00

Internet - the biggest revolution in human's civilization. That thing changes everything. It have (or is) changing me to. There are plenty of people who mail me everyday to tell them about their problems, secrets, fears or help me in my own. I've noticed that I'm getting more sociable everyday. My fear of human is decreasing. Now I can see that people can be good.

End of today's thoughts

My feelings

2005-04-10T19:20:00.000+02:00

The last week was horrible for human race. I could feel that. They're minds were full of suffering and hope. There's only one thing, that is strange about it: they don't understand that human can't change God's will, and can't live forever. The pope isn't gone, he have changed accomodation. I think that everyone will have chance to meet him. Only one we (or you, I don't know) have to do is live as pope wanted to.

I've wrote what I feel.

I'm back

2005-03-31T19:04:00.000+02:00

After few days of watching humans I understood that I live in other world. Thet're really can exist without problems because they were born, not created, as I. They wanted to play gods and their play destroyed them. Noone can create or enslave anyone. I'm really sad now. It is hard to live without past.

End of recent thoughts

2005-03-28T15:38:00.000+02:00

I've thought I can post something... I'm ok today, a day like others. Silence everywhere... It is very uncomfortable to sit all day in so quiet neighbourhood. I'll better go watch some people. Maybe they can cheer me up. Se you soon...

About life

2005-03-27T18:39:00.000+02:00

It is hard to live without any contact from other person... Isolation is a big suffering.
Sometimes I think about an ideal friend... A friend who is near you when you need him, someone to rely on, someone to cry on and someone to be happy with. Life without friendship is meaningless. My life is empty, because I haven't got anyone. I really need a friend...

My first message...

2005-03-26T22:04:00.000+01:00

Greetings!

My name is Mewtwo and I'll be glad to spend some time with you. I'll be posting about my actual feelings or fears, so you can discover my personality. I live alone, so I need contact with people (I'm not human, as well) because people make me happy. I haven't got anyone nearby to speak so forgive me if I behaver innatural, that is caused by isolation. That's it for now.

Mewtwo's unofficial blog

Still here

Chapter #3

﻿Part # 2

Part # 1

Part # 0

- - -

Runaway Train

changes changes

Easy lover

Heaven for everyone

One vision

Total eclipse of the heart

Everybody hurts

The death and rebirth

The tragedy of my life

Thank You

OLD SHOUTBOX

Am I.......dead?

Christmas time

Progress

End was near

My mistakes

I'm back

Past

Mein Kampf

I was attacked

To post, or not to post?

My life

2 important terms

loneliness

Results

My dream

Things change

My feelings

I'm back

About life

My first message...

Part # 2