When you are on the bed in the hospital, some difficult questions come to your mind. Why did this happen to me? Am I ever going to be normal? How much have I hurt my family? Well, I think everything has a purpose. I was blind and I could not see my own faults. I had to die once to understand it. I was all wrong about myself and life.

Nobody came to see me, except my family. But thanks to that, I know that there is a reason for being. There always is someone out there who thinks about you, who cares. I let them down. Yes, it is a shame for every family. But I can feel they still love me and they want good for me. It was a shock for them - but I know, that someday I could tell them how much they mean to me.

God really loves me. I could die in the accident or overdose. But it did not happened. I am here now and I came back on the right track. I do not know what could my life look like if I did not had faith. I believed in every cursed moment of my life. And it did not failed me.

Pray for me. It is the best thing you can do for me. And I will pray for all of you. I will pray to God to spare you those dark moments I had. I would rather die than live this again.

The death and rebirth

I was dead. The drugs have killed the previous "me". I am no longer the same person. The therapy taught me many important things. But I had to die to understand my mistakes.

You do not know what I have suffered. The pain, sleepless nights, suicidal thoughts, depression. The worst of all - hunger. I was ready to kill for another hit. Thank God I did not.

Now, I am back - from the world of dead. I was given another chance and I have decided to change my life. I realized that when I was at the hospital. It is a gift from God. He cares about me. He wants me to live and go on. And do not look back. The past is nothing but a memory. It cannot control or enslave us. We have to keep fighting - for the better future. But the fight will not be someday or someplace. IT IS NOW! I am now fighting to live and survive.

I am still weak. In heart, in mind and in soul.

The tragedy of my life

Drugs - the most evil thing I have ever encountered. The highway straight to hell. There's no way out - even if you stop, your body won't function properly. Yes, I did drugs. It started 6 months ago. I started with smoking marijuana for relaxation and alternative to alcohol. At the beginning it was great. Much better than booze. But I had to smoke more and often to get satisfied. Then - I did LSD. The most spiritual and mystic thing invented. I have spoken to God, seen unlimited universe of alternate dimensions and lived in a different world. LSD is not kind of thing, which you do everyday or even every week. It messes your mind so badly, that you can't even know if the life of yours is real. I could stop at that point. It wasn't too late. But I didn't. I wanted to be more... powerful? Or special? I did cocaine. When I took it the first time, I thought that I died and resurrected. I was immortal. That feeling - it was pure insanity. After few weeks my body was a complete wreck (well, it is even now). And then that happened. I was at the party (that may sound weird, but I was a GOD [on cocaine] and I could kill anyone, so parties stopped to scare me) and drank a little bit. I thought I could do anything, so when friends asked me if I could drive them home, I agreed. And then the history is short. I ran the red light and got into car accident. The car was totally wrecked, my friends got bruised - shortly, nobody got seriously hurt. I had my arm broken, not a big deal. I ended up in the hospital. They took my driver's license and I paid the fine. My family was informed. They pushed me to go to detoxcen. I finished my therapy 2 weeks ago. But the fight isn't over yet.

I need to make one resolution to keep this blog alive. One post per week should do it. If I keep posting even simpliest words it should stay alive for next months. And then we will see...

And do not worry about me.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FevYbbfMjnw

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Zl14KPfT1Pc

http://youtube.com/watch?v=z025bcKYJ7s

My three favorite songs... They always make me feel better.