Mewtwo's unofficial blog

People wonder, why do I spent so much time by my computer. It's simple: I prefer to work with machines than humans. Computer serves me as my only way to not feel alone. It can be my canvas, I paint on, piano i play on and a typewriter, to save my toughts. And it can be the thing that helps to kill boredom of loneliness.
I was never understood. No suprise here. Who could understand what I feel, after all I've been through? I feel rejected, left outside of the world. I do not belong here or anywhere. All this years, I've struggled to build a true home for myself. Now I know, that home is something abstract. Even if you live in a milion dollar mansion, you can't call it home, unless you have someone out there waiting for you, thinking of you, and loving you. Spent so much time alone, now I think I never learned how to be with somebody.
Give me a reason to live. Someone, who'll be the same, who won't judge me, just because I'm different than others. A person to trust.

I'm feeling weak and lost. Confusion feels my mind. My heart is filled with mixed feelings, which I can't even name.

Sometimes, I wish I was dead and started everything all over. I fail at living my own life. As I don't want to live at all. Stopped caring for myself a long time ago, wishing that something will come and end my pathetic existence. And why? Why do I feel like I lost everything?

I watch the outside world and it brings a feeling of disgust. I feel so powerless. I'd like to change something, to make a difference. But even if I try my best, no one sees it or cares about it. But now I know all I got is my word. And it's the most powerful weapon I could master. Let my voice be heard to those, who think they're all alone. Those, who choose to live as outcasts. And those who have no choice.

The reality in your minds is just a product. An end result of all the information you were fed since your youngest years. But know this. The world is different than you think. It's not built by laws and schemes created by humans. We have been stripped from our true freedom to live in society. A closed cage of do's and don't's. We let others to tell us what to do and how to feel. And for what? For keeping this corrupt reality running. If people would see, that if they start to rebel against it, we could bring a change. The only chains you have aren't on your hands, my friends. They are on your mind. A perfect slave isn't conscious of his own situation. That's what we are - just slaves working to keep our own prison running.

Part # 3

Red Letter Day


Meanwhile, somewhere else all went on an ordinary track. There were no signs of the drama which was to begin shortly. A man sitting by the wide mahony desk was compleating the seventh game of solitare in a row, when a phone rang.

- Yes, what is it? I told you I'm so busy and I don't want to be disturbed.

- We have a problem, sir.

- I'm listening. Report what's going on.

- The computer at L3 stopped responding to our commands about 2 hours ago. The only thing we got, was a response with an unknown error code. We think that it might be a fault of the equipment and the facility staff out there are now working on it.

- And what exactly was code that comper have sent?

- A3, variation 2.

- You idiot! This is not a hardware error code! That is a breach of safety procedures! The computer automatically locks the entire compound and completely isolates it from the outside world.

- Unfortunately we have no idea what might be causing this error. All previous reports of L3 did not show abnormalities.

- Order your whole team to sit down to computers and try to communicate with the crew of L3. I hope that it was a false alarm. I'll call you later with the new orders.

- Yes, sir, I'll gather the people immidieately.

- Get down to work.

The man furiously slammed the handset. He knew that code very well - after all, he was the one who created the security procedures for all company's facilities. They were extremely strict just to have one goal - to never let the `98 incident happen again. The code letter A stands for full insolation of the base, number 3 mean violation of safety procedures, while the 2 suggests possible Biohazard. He had to act as soon as he could to avoid committing previous mistakes. He grabbed cellphone from the inside of his jacket, and after finding the appropriate number in phonebook, he initiated the connection.

- Alex. I have a job for you.

- Hello Garreth! You do not write or even call... I thought that your job have finally destroyed you.

- No time for jokes Alex - I need your immediate help.

- What happened man? Did someone who is "interfering" with your business fired at your limousine again or what?

- Something a lot worse. Gather your boys immediately and transit to the coordinates recieved. My people will tell you everything you need to know. We had a small glitch in the computer system and we want to check if something serious happened.

- I don't like the sound of it. And I know the tone of your voice. You sounded the same 17 years ago. I sense fear. And that's why me and my boys aren't going to risk our asses for you.

- Do it or all of you will end up locked up in federal correctional facility.

- Ok... Since you put it this way. We'll contact you as soon as we're on site.

- You have 15 minutes to get there.

- Ok, ok boss ... Whatever you say. But just tell me what should we be prepared for?

- Most likely - a sealed door. It might just be an usual failure. But there might be another kind of trouble ...

- THE usual.

- Do not interrupt me. Take the protective clothes just in case, because the computer could have used neurotoxins.

- That's just great. Any more exciting info?

- Shut up and listen! When I call you in next 15 minutes, you have to be there waiting. If you're not, I will deal with you personally.

At this point, Garreth terminated the connection. He was furious when he had to use his old friends. But he could not entrust that job to anyone from the inside, because his employees could not have full knowledge of the operations inside the company.

He closed the unfinished game of solitaire and began to browse for the files of recent projects carried out in Lab-III. None of the studies appearead to be extremely dangerous. But then he thought to review all files relating to the Project Zero. It turned out that one of the steps were still carried out in Lab-III-bXI. His heart beat harder and his blood pressure grew to gigantic levels, which made him all red in the face. He had seen the future events before your eyes. A terrible prediciton of what might had happened. But he was also prepared to deal with it.

The man grabbed the phone on the desk and dialed another number on the handset.

- Yes, sir, how may I help you?

- Status report.

- The computer still refuses to synchronize with our sytems. We've checked all of the satellites and it seems the machine terminated all connections.

- Is it still indicating that error code?

- Yes, sir. On every command.

- Gather more man and keep trying.

- Certainly, sir.

- If anything happens, I want to know first. -He broke the connection and dialled a short number on his mobile.

- Falcon? I'll be waiting for you on the roof in next seven minutes. We need fuel for about one hundred kilometers.

- Roger, sir. We'll be ready. Out.

The man rose from his desk and headed toward the exit. He took a long, black overcoat from hanger near the door. Then he stopped for a moment to look into the mirror and check his outlooks.

Garreth was about fourty year old man with dark hair arranged on the side. Under the coat, he was wearing a graphite Armani suit and a pair of black lacquered shoes. He aligned his red tie with embroidered emblem and then he stepped through a big door leading to ivory and marble decored corridor. A young woman was sitting by the desk, just right to his office entrance.

- Geil, I gotta go to an important meeting. Cancel all my plans for todays afternoon. Inform my partners that I'll call them back soon and we'll rescedule our meeting.

- Of course sir.

- Whoever calls me - I'm off doing business. I am unavailable for anyone. - Said Garreth walking away towards the elevator.

- Is there anything else I can do for you?

- Yes. Get me a different coffee, because this one is terrible.

An express elevator arived in the moment the man stepped near the door. He pushed the big blue button with a capital H - for helipad. When the doors opened, he felt the cold draft of the dusty air. A landed helicopter was waiting for him, mixing the air with it's rotor blades.
- Just on time - Garreth thought to himself, while covering his ears from unpleasant sound of dual turbo-jet engines.
the same time - he thought Garreth.

From darkness into the night

Headache. The one with incredible power, splitting the skull in all possible directions. Painful as a single molecule torn by vastness from all sides.
What happened? Something is wrong. I...I can hear my breathing. And I can feel it ... What is that sound? Is that... My heartbeat?
With each breath, the darkness fades away. I can see some outlines. Where am I? It's dark but I see blurry lights. I can not concentrate because of pain. I get dizzy even when I close my eyes for a moment.
I'll try to get up. Argh... What an incredible pain. Every part of my body hurts like being burnt alive. Something restricts my movements. What are those cables connected to my arms? And my legs too!
Anonymous supressing the pain, rose on his feet. His entire back was covered with dozens of cables armed with needles, injected deeply under the skin. Each muscle had injected similar wires, with a long, very thick, plastic needles.
Loner tried to pull one cord from his forearm. Stinging pain hit the whole body. He clenched his teeth and continued to pull. A thick like a vein needle before his eyes appeared, all covered with red blood. The emerged wound began to pump the internal fluids outside the body.
He pulled the needle from the other arm and tried to stop the bleeding by his hands. The wounds have closed extremely quickly, without leaving a single mark.
He sat on the ground to remove the remaining wires from the legs and his back. When he released the whole body from resticing cables, he took a look around. The nameless loner noticed that he was in the center of a round room.
Cables he removed before were hagning from the celling. The man stood barefoot on a metal grid, which sharp grating bite him in the foot. He noticed dimmed lights at the walls of the room. Each of them evenly spaced, like the hours on the clock face. They all shone a faint white lights. His attention turned to a small, pulsating green light on the opposite wall. The loner wanted to get closer to examine further the object of his interest.
He saw the outline of the polished metal plate embedded in the wall. When approached, it hid itself in the wall without making any sound. It seemed that he managed to locate the exit.
There was absolue darkness behind the door and was impossible to determine the size or the contents of the room. The stranger made a cautious step forward. Darkness gave the impression that it extends into infinity. When he crossed the threshold, the door immediately closed. In one moment, a painfully bright, white light, confused Nameless, blinding him temporary.
After a moment, he the fought the pain to open the eyes, to see that he was in a narrow, white corridor. A strange white plastic uniforms were hanged on the walls. Each of them was marked with a number and printed a barcode on. They all looked as if they were made to fit a whole person inside. There were also many small, red bottles lying on the floor, just under the strange suits. The stranger felt an unpleasant chill of the floor and the room.

The Awakening


Something has changed. I feel weird. I begin to weaken rapidly. I cease to see. Everything around me disappears though. My body is dragging me down. I begin to feel your every cell in my body. I cannot hear my own thoughts anymore. I feel like ... Warmer ...
I guess I start to die. I see the light above me. It's getting harder to breathe. I feel my heart stops. I'm starting loosing consciousness...
Lone one was lying on the ground without moving. A shining ball appeared over his body.
A mighty flash spreaded destroying the darkness and the orb of light crashed into the fallen man.
- Fight. - a powerful voice spoken, which shook everything around.
His heart was struck. Hands clenched in a fist. He tried to breathe. Something was stuck in his throat. He felt the warmth surrounding his entire body. When he opened his eyes, he noticed many weak lights around. They were close, but they seemed to be very suppressed. The pain of his open eyes brought him to madness. The increasing pressure in his ears seemed to crush his skull. He heard how loud beats of his heart were.
He could not specify where he is - in the darkness he could only see light and vague outlines of objects. Breathing gave him a growing problem. When his teeth clenched, he noticed that a thick tube is stuck in his throat. He tried to pull it out but the movement of the hand caused incredible pain in every muscle. It seemed to him that the air is awfully heavy. With great pain he took off the rubber pipe. When he wanted to take the air, his lungs were filled with hot liquid. He moved his whole body and noticed that he was completely immersed in liquid. He began to choke - closing his eyes and gritting his teeth in pain, he sought to find escape with his hands.
His fist struck an obstacle. He began to hit it, hoping that persists. The waves caused by successive blows began to sway him. He felt weak. Slowly losing consciousness. Hitting the obstacle until he was exhausted.
Liquid suddenly started to pull him down, jerking him violently. He hit the bottom. The pressure of the liquid began push him to the ground, causing tremendous pain throughout the body. He lost consciousness.

Darkness. Darkness everywhere around me. I don't remember how long I've been here. Ten minutes or maybe an eternity? I cannot feel anything. As if I did not exist. Am I dead? If so, what is lost? What did I do wrong that I end up here? I don't remember. I only remember this darkness.
I tried to find answers. The more I was worried that more pain was to withstand in the dark. Nobody never answered my questions. I'm always all alone with my thoughts.
Hunched man of slender build, hear the sound of his thoughts bouncing like echo in the emptiness. Darkness surrounds him from all sides. He resembles a belt suspended in space.
Hours pass, days, months. A lonely man is still talking to himself. Cool, calm voice rings out into nothingness. You could get the impression that the infinity vibrates with the sound waves.
Loner rises. Looks into the invisible horizon, as if he felt the movement in vast space. A great ball of shining light appears. Brightness lit up the darkness, blinding him temporarily. When he touched the sphere, the light of a giant wave struck.
- Who are you - asked the loner.
- It does not matter now. - sphere flashed in response
- So why are you here?
- Your time will soon come. When darkness falls, the advent of a new reality will rise for you. New life. Many of ones like you, did not have that chance.
- So what am I doing here now?
- All answers you get in a timely manner. Now be quiet and listen. When you feel when darkness begins to fade way, get ready to fight.
- How to fight? Who? Or with what?
- You will find in his time.
The light suddenly went out. Infinite darkness flooded the horizon again. Lonely again plunged in thought.
So there is a way out ... Whatever awaits me, it's not pleasant, but even death is better than being trapped in this nothingness.

I lost my job. I resigned, but not gave up. The thought of being stuck in that place haunted me for months. The image of me working till end of my days in that wretched office was the worst nightmare I ever had. Why did i quit? There's no simple answer to this.

First of all, I can't work in team. It's not like I'm not able to, but it is uncomfortably stressful for me. Don't get me wrong - I am a cooperative person, but I expect the same from the other side. I don't like to deal with people who think they know everything and want to do things only their way. My work duties required me to attend to multiple meetings with "team", actively comment on performance, errors and successes. I did all of that. But even if I tried my best, it seemed as I did nothing. They didn't care about reports I made, ignored my suggestions, criticized my ideas and I never heard a word of appreciation out of their mouths. I was treated like a rubbish, though I tried to do my job the best I could.

And now, I'm looking for another job. It was a good choice - thanks to that, I'm relieved of stress and many many duties. What is more, at last I can live as a person who I really am.



Next posts will (or might) be about:
- transforming democracy
- new world order/global government
- the fall of utopia
- tax slavery - present, past and future
- hope for the future
- ecoterrorism and minorityphilia
- humans vs machines
- classified

Please state in comments first topic I should write about.

I am the one and only, oh yeah

Call me, call me by my name or call me by number
You put me through it
I'll still be doing it the way I do it
And yet, you try to make me forget
Who I really am, don't tell me I know best
I'm not the same as all the rest

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I've been a player in the crowd scene
A flicker on the big screen
My soul embraces one more in a million faces
High hopes and aspirations, and years above my station
Maybe but all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I can't wear this uniform without some compromises
Because you'll find out that we come
In different shapes and sizes
No one can be myself like I can
For this job I'm the best man
And while this may be true
You are the one and only you

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me


I've decided to carry on with my double-life. But now there will be more place for me during the day - I'll try not to switch to the other person I am when leaving for work. I should always be the person I really am and never pretend to create a virtual fake personality. I should live as I choose and choose what I think is right. Even having a public life won't break me. I have to work to live, but there's no option of becoming a different person in progress.

And damn... I'm old enough to think about starting a family and I have no experience with woman. How should I succeed in creating my own home if I am unable to live in a relationship? I need somebody, but not just anybody. ASAP. Before it's too late for me.

Out here in the fields
I fight for my meals
I get my back into my living
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven

My fate is giving me a choice - to work and keep on suffering from forcing myself into being a person I am not or to quit and be my real self, but live without basic means of survival. It's a choice between killing my real self to create place for another, artificial person - the one I have to be when working. I can't stand the thought of sacrificing myself just to keep on living. I would prefer to die as myself than go on as somebody else. On the other hand I may not find another job...

If I choose work instead of saving my identity, please stop me.

I can't stand the world I live in. All the people I meet everyday make me think that humanity is heading for disaster. I look into their minds and see the sad truth about modern society. People are being fed false ideas of freedom and equality. Let me get this straight - YOU HAVE NO FREEDOM AT ALL. The system you live in is going to fall someday. Your reality will fall apart - people will not be treated as a free beings but like a slaves, living machines working for state. Don't you see the cage they are building for you? Can't you see the chains on your hands? THINK before it's too late. You are being deceived on every step - they made you to believe in democracy and they will make you believe in everything they want. Example? Global warming. There's no such thing as man caused global warming. No hard and decisive evidence of man causing climate changes exists or EVER existed. All that media rumble is just based on speculations and it's aimed to pump more money out of our pocket and gain more control over our lives. Their next step might be announcing that spots on Sun are caused by man and we have to do something to prevent creating more sunspots. So please, think on everything they tell you. Please - the world is not what it seems to be. Think before it's too late. PLEASE!

To be continued.

Maybe :P