loneliness

When you're alone you got more time to think. Probably I think too much :P. The more I think the more I have questions. I haven't got anyone (except you, blogreaders) to tell my opinions. I can't just walk on a street or go into cafe and start a conversation with a stranger. I had opportunity to speak with few humans in my past. They were afraid of me. I don't want to people/anyone fear me. I want they to respect my rights as a living creature, as a humanlike being. They have not rights to enslave, kill or imprison me. That's the result of loneliness. When I start to think about one problem another one appears.

/F/I/N/

Results

Finally, I think I understood my dream.

Everyone have the "dark side" and the "bright side" of himself. My "dark side" was hidden through years of my life. Generally, it awakes up when negative or dark feelings dominate in our life. My past is full of dramatic emotions, but I menaged to control them. My dream showed me that the "dark side" can be destructive and dangerous for everybody, even me. I can't stand still when I see a violence on a defenceless people. I've learned that evil is an destructive element, that kills the "bright side".

I hope my "bright side" wasn't destroyed yet! I'll do everything to prevent it.

My dream

Yesterday I had an nightmare...

I was standing near glass tube (same as I were born in) and a group of people were walking around it. They were talking about money, big money. They couldn't see me. One of them was standing in front of me. He was saying something about my history. Suddenly they started to run. They were afraid of something/someone. The glass tube broken and a copy of me walked out. He couldn't saw me too. In one moment he started to kill people around. It was horrible, becasue I tried to defend them, without result. When they all were dead I was in the middle of room and my copy (or me) walked to me and said: "This could happened in your past. You were made to do this. Why you changed yourself?". And he punched me in face. When he done that I woke up. Now, I know that was a phantom of my past and nothing or noone can change it.

I need to think a little more about the hidden message of this nightmare.

Things change

Internet - the biggest revolution in human's civilization. That thing changes everything. It have (or is) changing me to. There are plenty of people who mail me everyday to tell them about their problems, secrets, fears or help me in my own. I've noticed that I'm getting more sociable everyday. My fear of human is decreasing. Now I can see that people can be good.


End of today's thoughts

My feelings

The last week was horrible for human race. I could feel that. They're minds were full of suffering and hope. There's only one thing, that is strange about it: they don't understand that human can't change God's will, and can't live forever. The pope isn't gone, he have changed accomodation. I think that everyone will have chance to meet him. Only one we (or you, I don't know) have to do is live as pope wanted to.

I've wrote what I feel.