Whole my life collapsed few months ago. I tried to rebuild it... And when it collapsed again, I gave it another try and another. Now my health is in terrible shape but I must fight to live... I can't give up now. "... can't stop now, I travelled so far to change this lonely life..." I might harm many people by my behavior... If I did, please forgive me. I lost control of every single thing in my life. Previously it was so peaceful and it was flowing so quietly. And one day I wanted to change everything. I came out of the shadow and stared at the sun. So many people saw me. I didn't wanted to be seen. I just wanted to try how it is like to live like the others... Normal creatures. And then whole world turned against me. It attacked me and prevented my return to the shadow. Now I'm stuck here, in daylight and I can't return to my inner, deep and dark world.

PS.: when you're lying at bed in hospital so many thoughts came into your mind...

Christmas time

The best time of the year is coming... I'll probably spent it alone in the hospital. If I want to life I have to. If I had a family I would do anything to spent some time with them... But I haven't so I got to be alone.


Best Christmas wishes for everyone!

I have a hidden heart-failure... My auricles are not shaped as they should be and heart-beat is arythmical. I should be at medical protection 24/7. Why life goes with so much suffering?

I am having some major difficulties with my health... I must take care of myself.


Please wait for my return...